Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize