and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
