I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize