I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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