I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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