Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
