i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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