is your mom at the bar?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
