You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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