you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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