No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
