So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
