she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
