Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
