When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
