She is in my trunk
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She's the barista slut.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
