Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
