My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
