history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
