he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
