I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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