i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
so much tequila, so little girl.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
