Ambien. No doubt about it.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
