dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
