i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
