What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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