Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
