I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize