there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
