Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
