She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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