Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
