Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
