East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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