i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
