Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
