CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
