she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
