sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
