The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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