Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize