Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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