I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
its liver damage thursday
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
