Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
