im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
