Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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