just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
