once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh god it's open bar.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
