you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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