So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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