Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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