oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
