is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
