The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
