Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I have aggressive nipples.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
