My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think people are normalizing furries
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
