They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
