I'm really into asian looking animals
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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