So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
