you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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