You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize