I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
