Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
