Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
