PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
