The maid of honor just puked.
She is in my trunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
