is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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